I Have A Cat. (This is NOT a false alarm...)

You guys. There's a cat in my house! I keep freaking out when I see her out of the corner of my eye. Apparently, she's our pet now... A CAT. If you know me at all, you KNOW how much I hate  can't stand  have issues with felines. I have to be upfront with you: I'm not an animal lover. Shocking, but true. I don't wish them harm, I'm not going to kick them as I walk by, but I can barely contain a grimace if they touch me. I don't know, I just don't know what's wrong with me. I'm sure the hate mail will be pouring in now, but whatever. You have flaws, too. You know you do.

Here's the deal with me and cats:

1. ..... (I'm trying to come up with something nice...)

2. I'd only get a cat because my family loves animals and I'm not THAT selfish.

3. They're not monkeys, which is a plus because I'm terrified of monkeys.

4. If I had to get a cat, I'd only want a light gray colored one. Don't ask me why.

5. I'm allergic to cats.

6. They're not monkeys, so it really could be worse.

7. Cats DO like me and always rub against my legs, even though I know they can feel my disdain. I'm pretty sure I've see them smile as they do so...

8. I do not understand people who love cats and dogs. I just don't get it, and I'm ok with that - I'm sure you feel exactly the same about us non-animal lovers. I know I'm not the only one out there!

Back to the creature in my home. My good friend (the term "best" is now in question after her trickery) had another friend with some tiny little kittens. I mean, come on - who doesn't "Aw!" at a little kitten! She got one of them and convinced me that her kitten needed his sister nearby and that it was gray. I wanted to be the good parent for once (since the hubs always gets to be the good, fun one and I have to tell the girls a million times to clean up their room and eat their peas) so I said we could go see her. She wasn't gray. Not even close. I was lied to. And, my girls were in love so I would be the big meany parent who held a cute kitten up in front of them, then said, "Just kidding!! Hahahah!" Sigh. We took a black kitten home. See, I'm not all bad!

Picking up our kitten - spray bottle included!
One of many... My smile may be a little fake.

She was nameless for at least a week, since the only name the girls could agree on was Meatball Starlight Starbright. All one name. It was just too much, and she was the little runt, at just one pound, so we put our foot down and brainwashed the girls into thinking Molly was the best name. We're awesome parents like that.

Here's what I've found out since having a cat:
1. She was a really cute kitten.
2. WAS
3. She's a really good jumper/climber. Sigh.
4. I have a lot of things to jump/climb on.
5. Cats are very low maintenance. Which is awesome. For real awesome, not sarcastic awesome.
6. She does not obey commands like a dog would. She just stares at me and rolls her eyes.
7. I'm super glad she's not a monkey. Again, lots of things to climb on.
8. I need to hide my makeup bag because Monster Me (refer to earlier posts for an explanation of this) has taken my eyelash/brow brush and played beauty salon with Molly without telling me. I discovered this after I used it and my eyes puffed up. Did I mention I'm allergic? Awesome. (Totally sarcastic awesome this time.)

We were handed a spray bottle with our kitten as a training tool. I had no idea what for at the time. I've bought at least 4 more since that fateful day. I keep one hooked onto my pocket. The spray bottle doesn't work very well. Now that she can jump, she does. When she sees the spray bottle she runs for her life and as soon as I turn my back, she's up again. She jumped up on our computer desk at about 2am and walked on the printer on the top shelf, which turned it on and started the copying feature. Which is very loud. Which scared the heck out of me. Which made me think we were being robbed. Which made me grab the first weapon I could find. Which happened to be the spray bottle. Luckily, Molly saw the bottle and zoomed away (trailing computer cords behind her) and I didn't have to squirt a bad guy in the face. Especially since it takes a couple of pumps to get a good, strong jet of water.

I now live in a sticky world...

She also keeps walking on my alarm clock and turning various alarms and "nap" buttons on. I've shot out of bed several times to a blaring alarm at midnight. And 2am. Thanks, Molls. Thanks.

My other friend suggested putting sticky tape along the counters, to prevent jumping, since cats don't like sticky stuff on their paws. This method is still up in the air, but I know it's worked on me. I'm always getting stuck on the counter and I definitely avoid it.

Note the flower pot knocked from the
top cupboard onto the shelf; the dirt
and broken leaves all over my floor.

Hmm.. I wonder where
Molly could be.

Definitely NOT gray!

She does take after me
with her love of coffee.

So, yeah. She's grown. Animals, as well as humans, aren't as cute when they're big. It's just a fact of life. Yes, I'm dealing with it. No, I won't "accidentally" leave the door open for her to have the adventure of her life - we have a lot of raccoons around so it really would be an adventure - I'm not that cruel!

We got a new little house for her to play in, so maybe she'll entertain herself there for a while, instead of trying to scale my bamboo window blinds. Maybe... But never fear, my animal-loving friends! My hubby and girls LOVE this little cutie-girl (as Monster Me calls her) and give her much love and attention. We're developing a mutual respect for each other and learning to co-exist in the same house. But, if I hear that printer going off one more time... :)